The big bandage that covered my whole breast was now off, I had managed a couple showers, and the steri strips were in place. Quite a bit of tissue had been removed inside. Carol had told me I would basically be about a cup size smaller. What it actually was seemed like a "breast lift". I jokingly remarked to a friend that I now had a younger breast on my left and a "grabbed by gravity" breast on my right! What else could I do but joke about it? By all outward appearances, they are pretty much the same...but they aren't. Reality hit today in more ways than just physically. By mid morning, my emotional world came flying apart.
I was scheduled to go to my dentist for a cleaning and some dental work on Monday the 14th. I had been having difficulty sleeping, still got tired easily, took naps in the afternoon, and wasn't sure I could do the double appointment of several hours that I had planned before my diagnosis. I called the office to see if I could just do the cleaning on Monday and reschedule the other appointment afterwards. I was totally unprepared for what took place during our conversation.
When I called, Emily answered, pleasant and delightful as always. I began to tell her about my surgery and that my surgeon wanted me to get my teeth taken care of. I'd be getting chemo soon but that I just didn't think I could do the full two procedures. Before I got out any other words...I lost it! I apologized because as I was saying, "I just don't think I can do it", the tears started to flow down my cheeks. I couldn't get control of my emotions enough to pull myself together.
Emily was reassuring, I was apologizing and that's when she told me she totally understood. Through my sobs, she explained that her mom had recently had surgery for breast cancer and had been very emotional a few days after the procedure. When she asked when I had my surgery and I told her a week ago, she told me she would be cancelling both procedures because it was way too soon. It was obvious I needed a bit more time before driving the distance and dealing with things there. Again, I cried, this time out of gratitude I think,and Emily just continued to console me as best she could. I kept apologizing for my lack of control, feeling embarassed at breaking down and getting so emotional, and she just kept making me feel better with her kindness, patience, and empathy.
I believe things happen for a reason. Emily just happened to be out at the desk when I called and picked up the phone. No one else could have been more perfectly chosen! She truly knew exactly what I was experiencing since her mom had gone through bouts of the same. She instinctively knew the words I needed to hear, reassured me there were other days to get things taken care of and that she would check with me in a couple weeks to set up another appointment...she told me not to worry.
I had many other emotional moments and I know they aren't over. But I will always be grateful that Emily was on the other end of that phone that morning and helped me off the first cancer roller coaster, just when I needed her most!
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