I did not want anything to interfere with the fun I was having or cause me to neglect the work involved the weekend of April 23 and May 1. In all honesty, the dark cloud of "it may be my last chance to ever do anything like this again" floated around in my mind. I wanted to forget, to finish what I started, to have fun and I did my very best. I was exhausted and incredibly sensitive after the first concert weekend and I know that caused a dear friend of mine much confusion and some hurt feelings. I had one more weekend to go and I was beginning to think the 'what ifs' even though I tried to resist. I pushed even harder to keep busy.
Tuesday, May 4...No more reasons to put it off, no more distractions. Walked into the doctors office at 8:00. I liked Dr. P. She was direct, she listened, she talked with me about the pictures, the suspicions, the possibility there might be something to be concerned about but also reassured me that it could be a benign mass like the majority of them are. My particular mass wasn't a lump, it was small and difficult to see from some angles, which was why there were so many films.
She wanted to do the biopsy and find out if we actually may have something to worry about. Since this happened to be one of the days the in-house radiologist was on staff she went to talk with her and see if it might be possible to get it done that morning.
About 45 minutes later and with the help of the radiologist, I found myself lying face down on a short table (for me) that barely fit into the space. My left breast extending down through an opening and into something like the wide open jaws of a miniature gray mammo monster and my legs bent with my toes on the wall...more comfortable to me. I believe a topical was placed on my breast and when Dr. P arrived and took her place slightly below the table, she told me that there would also be some anesthetic in or on the needle. When the spot was identified by the computer, the needle would be guided into the tissue and take some samples. Each time should feel like little stings but not too painful. She continued to explain the entire process and I relaxed a little more, completely confident in her skills and assurances.
Well, the first two needle hits were like pin pricks and I felt this was going to be a piece of cake. It certainly provided no warning of the next three and even Dr. P was surprised by the pain that was caused me. I truly can not come up with the adequate words to express what it felt like each of those three times! This was seriously distressful to the point of tears and caused my entire body to tense up in anticipation of the next "hit". Tears filled the corners of my eyes, it was incredibly painful, and then just held on as best I could as she continued to apologize and encourage me. Thankfully the last two were only light pin pricks like the first.
Dr. P came around where she could look at me and talk about what had just been done, what may have caused such pain, and showed the sincerity in her apology and concern. She helped me understand what to expect afterwards, how to care for the bandaged the area, that I would get information to help remind me, and just generally made sure I was ok physically and mentally before she left the room to care for others. A lot of trust and respect for her took place in that moment I assure you.
The kind radiologist gave me a couple minutes, then helped me right myself so I could get off the table, get dressed, and return to the reception area where my friend Sandy sat patiently waiting. THAT was an experience I never want to repeat!
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