My Dad died of Hodgkin's Disease in 1965 when I was not quite 14 years old. He was 39. My Mom passed with little warning in 2004 from pneumonia, system failure and possible congestive heart failure. She was 84. My husband also died unexpectedly from double pneumonia, system failure, and ARDS in 2007. He was 66. I know loss, grief and that sense of abandonment which can frighten and overwhelm you. I also know about being alone but not necessarily lonely, and feeling lonely when you are not alone.
With no brothers, sisters, or children, and a newcomer to Michigan, I find myself with a dilemma. I had not been seriously ill before. I didn't worry about it much as I always had two people, then at least one, I could count on. With them gone, what happens now? I hadn't been in contact with my niece and nephew for awhile and couldn't just drop in with this news and expect them to help. It didn't seem right to ask that of them when they have other in-laws they also look out for.
All of the information encouraged patients to have family members or close friends who would be there from beginning to end, not only during the time of surgery, but through the treatment time ahead. Who could I ask to share such a responsibility with me?
Most who know me realize right away that I am very willing to give and help other people, but pretty darn lousy at asking others to give and help me! Now that is exactly what I need to do. Heck, I don't even want to TELL anyone else yet but I know I have to.
I had already asked my good friend Walt to consider being part of my chosen family because of everyone, he probably knows more about me than even he would like to at times! He has already been put in the position to advocate for others, so I had no doubt, if it became necessary, he would advocate for me. He already had agreed to earlier this month when I was first diagnosed. But to go to the finish line is a lot to ask.
One of my best female friends Sandy had already accompanied me and voluteered to help however she could. But I also needed someone else to bounce things off of, who I could trust and who I would feel comfortable asking to be there for me too. I thought right away of Carol, but I also remembered how much she helps and cares for others already, to the point of exhaustion at time. I hesitate to ask her to find another piece of time for me when her plate is so full already, but I will.
So now I have Carol, Sandy and Walt as my chosen family to help get me through surgery and the first step. I can bounce ideas off of them, know they will get me to the hospital, provide comic relief, and the much needed support. I hope I won't talk about it too much and/or create any more problems in their lives than they already have but only time will tell.
After my birthday, I will start letting others know what is going on. In a small town, I won't have to tell too many before everyone will know and after surgery, I won't care who knows anyway! It will make the circle of help wider...at least, I hope it will.
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