At 10:45, I arrived at Johnson Center for my radiation simulation. I now just walk back, no longer having to check in with my birthdate and insurance card. As I walk to the end of the hallway, I first pass the room with the CAT scan machine I was introduced to last Friday. The next room is the visitors waiting room for those of you who may drive or just come along because you'd like to. The last door on the right is the women's dressing room with its bright corner grouping of privacy windows, chairs, wall tv, water cooler, and three comfortable, spacious dressing rooms with keyed lockers.
I chose the first one, closed the curtain, removed my clothing from the waist up, put on one of those incredibly attractive gowns again, and then placed all my belongings into the locker, closing it up and putting the elastic band with key on my wrist. Grabbed my book and went out into the room to read and wait.
Grant came to get me about 5 minutes later. I followed him to meet my new machine, the one I was going to get quite intimate with for the next 33 days to follow. There I met Amelia who also helped me get onto the table, adjusted my hips and spine with gentle but firm yanks on the sheet, and assisted in placing my arms into the stirrups above my head.
Looking up I saw the most beautiful display of leaves seemingly pressed into the opague lighting tiles above me. The soft lights behind gave me a peaceful feeling, especially later when the full lighting was turned off. On the ceiling directly above were two lime green neon lights, about a foot in length and arranged in a plus sign. I was intrigued.
We joked around a little and then it was time to get serious about positioning and adjusting the machine according to the treatment plan. The machine has a large "head" that looms over mine and the top of my body. One my right, a blue/gray shiny panel continued to swing in towards my right side, and then go back into its little nook until it was needed again.
Grant asked me to just lie still and breathe normally. He explained that the panel would go in and out at times, the head of this huge machine would be above me and then go down to the left side of me and that the machine would do all the work. My job was to lie still, breathe, relax, and if I liked it, enjoy the music. After they checked the lime green laser lights on my body, they were ready to begin the process.
I was glad the lights were muted. My thoughts wandered to the leaf pattern above accompanied by the soft music on the radio of STAR 108. The machine glided around, starting overhead at first. That's when the lime green laser lights appeared, one running vertically up my body and dissecting the three little tattoo dots perfectly! The second lime green laser light crossed horizontally to form a plus that extended from the outer tattoo on my left side to the one on my right. NOW I understood what those little dots were really for!
They continually came in, took measurements, double checked the positioning, the numbers, the tattoos for accuracy. They took another vis a vis and wrote on me again, making me feel like a human canvas. I just relaxed into what they were doing, totally confident in their abilities and with their perfectionism.
When the 2' x 2' blue panel came nearer to me on my right, I could see the reflection of the lights that were on my chest. There in the right upper quadrant was a bright red laser light...the targeted area. When the machine's head was directly above, there was a window about 4 by 8". Inside I could see two rows of metal bars on each side in the window that reminded me of a mouth harp. There was a "black hole" in between. The radiation, Grant explained, comes through that area and into my breast.
"First, we project the image and give a shot from above. Then we move the machine to the left to get to the area from below to avoid radiating your lung any more than we have to. That will be what you'll experience each time you come in. It will take longer to put you in place than the actual treatment will be."
They moved the machines around more, checked and double checked everything while the other technicians were using the computers behind the wall to observe, follow, and verify. Utterly fascinating! Again, everyone was very pleasant, enthusiastic, kind and helpful.
I know I will have more questions and they are all open to whatever I think up, bless their hearts. But for Monday, I think I will just focus on relaxing, let my mind wander with the leaves and the lights, enjoy the music softly playing in the background, and feel confident knowing that today, the first step towards killing the cancer cells starts with that first beautiful beam of light.
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