It seems anti-climactic somehow. All that trauma, numerous phone calls, hours and hours spent tracking down websites of information to help me in my pursuit of answers, money used for a trip I enjoyed but never should have had to make, and time in frustration and nervous confusion. I wondered when I would lose my hair, so I chose not to color it for awhile until I knew for sure I was not having chemo. Then it was the scarf vs wig debate. After the oncologist visit, all of that worry became a mute point.
I know that I dodged a serious bullet and I truly do consider myself very fortunate. But just because I am no longer HER2 positive, and I do not have to endure extensive chemotherapy treatments...things are far from over!
I've started reading about radiation, what will be expected of me and what I can expect from the treatments. It seemed so far off. These past weeks I skim read most of the information. Now, I need to read again.
No matter what I do, this thought returns to challenge me...if my tumor isn't a big concern anymore, why are they so emphatic about me having radiation? Not everyone has had to do this, especially when the cancer is found early. I remember my discussion with the oncologist from Mayo, "chemo really isn't necessary but radiation is a given, definitely!" My oncologist said chemo would do me more harm than good at this point but there was no avoiding radiation. The radiation oncologist said so too and pointed out that without it, I have at the minimum, a 25% chance of reoccurance.
My little tentacle cancer can just shoot out that webbing like a miniature Spiderman! There was evidence of cancer cells both in the tissue and in the blood vessels, and even though none of my lymph nodes showed evidence of cancer cells, they have to irradiate the area to be sure. The first line of defense starts here 8 days from now.
The first dry run is on Friday. It's going to be a long week...
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