Too Painful to Walk...or Take Your Chances?

Before the three concerts the first weekend in December, I had bouts of knee pain that was so sharp, I didn't even want to step down.  My right knee?  Ok...not usual but not completely unreasonable since it is bone on bone anyway.  But the left knee?  TOTALLY unreasonable...it is my healthy, normal knee but the pain shooting through it wasn't. The ankles were starting to create such havoc that the thought of getting out of bed was not what I wanted to do!  I was taking Aleve like candy...something wasn't right.

December 1st, I had a visit with my oncologist who told me there was good news and bad news...the good news was, "we  know the Arimidex is working"...the bad news?  "Likely could get worse but tolerable."  When you live outside of town where there isn't any bus or taxi service?  That is numbing.

So what happens if one morning it is just too painful to get up?  What if it is too painful to stand up once I get up? I know...it is never good to think of the "what ifs?"  but I felt I was being given another choice to make and there would be no way to know which choice would be the right one.  I just had to trust that my choice would be the best for me.

On December 5, I quit taking Arimidex.  Within two weeks, the pain in my knees and ankles was completely gone. After Christmas I chose to eliminate a few pounds too and have been more careful to eat healthier, drink water, and get out for walks like I was doing in the fall until it became too painful to do so.

What are the risks?  Small tumor, no lymph nodes involved, invasive lobular carcinoma...anything can happen or not happen. I stopped once before for a couple weeks in May. Then I listened when she told me that it was possible that this could spread when the estrogen began again so the little voice of fear had me starting up again. But realistically, there is no way of knowing.  I remained on it total for 14 months...

 Quality of life??  I have already had a great one!!   Whether I made the right choice or the wrong one, only time will tell.  So I am going to take one day at a time and be thankful for each one I have...and all the friends, experiences, and blessings that come with them.