This week was the last full week of Radiation and it was filled with surprises, some pleasant, some not so much. At least when I met with Dr. Tate last Tuesday, we actually had something to talk about as changes in appearance and comfort had begun.
He gave me some samples of medicated cream to help with the burns and keep my skin moist. I have a larger area of red underneath my breast that hasn't caused too much discomfort but the part under my arm has let me know it is there. It is partly tan to the point where it looks dirty, yet red for the most part, difficult to paint a clear picture for the reader here.
The breast itself is speckled with red spots, the skin has become tighter and is shrinking as it is treated, the breast is more painful, with some of the skin itchy and splotched. It is uncomfortable to lie on my left side and since that is my usual and most comfortable side for sleeping, it has made that difficult as well.
Sleep, or lack thereof, is an issue. Last night, only two hours and I woke up, wide awake at 2:00 am. After trying to read, relax, everything I could think of, I finally just got up and began to work on Chorale CDs and before you know it, it was time to leave for church. By 2:30 I was exhausted and went in to sleep, waking at 5:00. I can't seem to get a schedule lately that works. My total sleep for the week is like what most get in a couple nights...not good. Seems it is another of those things that occur with this treatment and post-menopause, of course.
Another issue which has caused a few friends pause, is a lack of desire to eat. Hard to believe with my usual eating habits, but not much tastes good so it makes things a bit challenging. I have been supplementing with Vitamin water which has helped keep the energy level up and have been careful to add protein and vegetable drinks if I am really low on what I have eaten. I am certain this will pass and no, it is not a "diet plan", I assure you, not that I can't stand to lose a few pounds, but there are better, healthier ways to do it. I believe this too shall pass...
The fatigue comes and goes, the emotions are up and down, and Dr. Tate says this week and the one after will be the most challenging of all so it's time to just put the smile back on and deal with it.
Last Friday, I had my first boost. It's my understanding that is what the next four will involve. It isn't that I get more radiation, I just get it more directly on the tumor area and it can take more of a toll on the body because of it. I used to bounce off the table under Trilogy, my radiation machine. Now, the girls help me get up. I used to walk confidently down the hall after treatment, now I walk slowly feeling a little light headed right at first, better when I reach the dressing area. Walking to the car is a bit more tiresome when I leave, but I notice the difference, subtle, but it is there. I sit in the car for a short period before heading back home, run my three second pity party in my head, and then get on with the day. It is just the way things are.
My life has been quieter since all this began...it will become more so as of Friday. Yes, I am happy my treatments will be over and my skin can begin healing. But it also means those beautiful cheerful faces I see five days a week will no longer start my mornings after Thursday and already, that thought is giving me pause. More time to deal with life as it is...and I am not looking forward to that at all.
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